Yes, the playoffs are upon us. Yes, we fought our way out of the party. Where to begin? 
1. The Head Honcho – It would be easy to blame Jerry Jones for this debacle, so I will. We haven’t won a playoff game in thirteen years now, which coincidentally is how long Jerry’s been running the draft and playing general manager. I’m not one of those fans that’s hated the man since he showed Tom Landry the door, and I do appreciate his three Super Bowl wins that made my childhood so fun. But enough is enough. Jerry is a fantastic and shrewd businessman and marketer, just take a look at JerryWorld being built over in Arlington, of all places (that’s a seperate rant for another day). But when it comes to building a team, I may have done just as well as he did if we were going to treat this like a fantasy team. I didn’t make the playoffs in my fantasy league, either, Jerry.
2. The Coaching Staff – pitiful. Hopeless. Gutless. Sorry. When you lack the respect of your players and have this much star power, what did you expect? On the way back down to Waco the other day, I was listening to the Michael Irvin show on 103.3 ESPN and Nate Newton relayed that players hated Bill Parcells, but at the end of the day missed the discipline instilled in the locker room. I’m okay with that. Hate me all you want, but respect me and get your freaking job done. The end result is that not only is Jerry crazy for saying “the coaching staff is in place! The coaching staff is in place!” but it’s clear to all that Wade Phillips has to go. And while we’re at, Bruce Read, please go watch a billion Virginia Tech games to learn how special teams are done. Or better yet, go apply as an unpaid intern for the Arizona Cardinals – they sure knew how to block a punt and destroy poor McBriar’s foot. As for the Redhead Boy Genius, as the Little Ball of Hate calls him, either can him or strip him of his “assistant head coach” title. He’s not ready. Or hopefully another team will raid us for him and make him their HC. Who cares. Brian Stewart, you suck. Get out of here.
3. Available Coaches – Jerry, please please please at least talk to Bill Cowher. He would instill hard-nose, disiciplined football and judging by his long stint in Pittsburgh, would be willing to stick around to build a dynasty. Give up your personnel power – we need someone that understands football. Plus, you lost Jeff Ireland to Dallas South (Miami), so who’s going to help you in the warroom? If not Cowher, Mike Shanahan is available and he would be awesome for us. Not only does he get the best out of the running game (see Terrell Davis and a million other RBs), but he’s good with raw and young quarterbacks. Romo needs to be taken to the woodshed and be taught fundamentals, like knowing how to protect the ball. As Professor Guinn likes to say, “know when to fold them.” Romo – throw the damn ball away sometimes, okay?
4. Players – You know, I was the world’s biggest T.O. hater, but for all of his circus distractions, he’s been a decent Cowboy and human being since being in Dallas. That said, I don’t think we need him. Get rid of him. Marion Barber, we need you back. Ignore what Jerry said about your toughness, get healthy, and be ready to strap up and dominate next year. Romo needs to develop some sort of killer instinct. He lacks it. He shows little heart and just aw-shucks his way in or out of the playoffs. I hate to blame Jessica, but…. Honestly, if the Patriots offered Matt Cassell for Romo, I’d take it. Roy Williams (SS) – cut his ass. He’s horrible. Roy Williams (WR) – you’re right. Romo isn’t trusting you. I hope the training camp will work, because with my plan to get rid of T.O., you’re the number one. I think right now Witten is the only untouchable.
5. Where to go from here? Pull a Mark Cuban and implode this baby, baby. New head coach, new staff, new players, new stadium. Put the decade-plus of shame behind us and let’s attack next season hungry. We’re way too complacent for being such a mediocre team. Just because of our franchise history and because our players are well-paid means nothing when you’re at home watching the Eagles and Vikings.
